Thursday, June 01, 2006

Moron Criminal Masterminds

It has been another hard week for the shady side of the street, as criminal masterminds around the world have learned much to their chagrin.

In Longview, Texas:

An East Texas man [was] killed when a bomb he was making detonated... [snip]

[Assistant Fire Marshal Brian] Howell said Torrence had been looking into his case records on the Internet. He said investigators are not certain of Torrence's intent and do not plan to notify the people they believe he was targeting with the bomb. [snip]

"We don't know for sure," Howell said, "but you don't build pipe bombs before you go to jail for no reason."
Luckily, the local neighborhood watch was keeping a close eye on this repeat offender.

Neighbors previously reported hearing explosions from Torrence's home but didn't report them to authorities.
In Paderborn, Germany:

Thieves broke into a car repair garage in Germany and sliced open the roof of a convertible being worked on, but had to abandon their night-time robbery when the vehicle wouldn't start.

Police said the engine was missing — being repaired in a separate part of the garage...
Another proud product of German engineering.
Near Tokyo, Japan:

A would-be Japanese bank robber asked staff how he should carry out the crime before meekly obeying a request to leave and then accidentally stabbing himself in the leg with a knife he was carrying. [snip]

...[T]he man first asked a bank teller, "Any idea how you rob a bank?" The teller alerted another member of staff, who asked the man to leave.

"He left quietly when asked to," the police spokesman said.

However, the staff member escorting the man out of the bank noticed the knife sticking out of his pocket and a bloodstain on his trousers.
They're such a quiet, respectful people.
In Ogdensburg, New York:

A man was arrested Wednesday for allegedly stealing seven calves from a Canton farmer, sheriff's deputies said.

Victor R. Gardner, 22, is accused of squeezing seven of the young cattle into the back seat and trunk of a 2000 Dodge Neon. He is charged with third-degree burglary and third-degree grand larceny.
Cattle rustlin', Yankee-style.
But the real mastermind didn't get caught! From Rio de Janeiro, Brazil:

Brazilian police are investigating how an accused drug kingpin wanted by the authorities dropped by a local prison to take part in a sermon last week and left through the front door.

Alberico Medeiros spoke during a Pentecostal sermon in front of 480 inmates about his years as a drug trafficker, how he used drugs, carried guns and had a huge gang of cutthroats at his command. He says he has since become religious and has abandoned his criminal ways.

Medeiros, who has spent time in Rio de Janeiro's maximum security jail, faces trial on 12 counts of trafficking and other unlawful activities.
I wonder if his confessional sermon can be used against him in a court of law.



Blogger kitty said...

I surfed over from Brainster's. This stuff is great! I used to collect dumbass stories and filed them in a folder called OOPS! After reading your collection here I fished it out. I'll try to post some tomorrow and link to your post.

Btw, I'm an honorary Texan even though I live in NY State. [Loved that story from Ogdensburg ;) ]

6/01/2006 5:41 PM  

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